But, the hardest part of all of this is NOT that they've gotten pregnant or had sweet babies or meeting their sweet little things & loving each one of them....It's been that ever since this has happened, with each day that passes I keep losing more & more of my close girlfriends! THAT is the part that hurts so bad... I don't know why...it hasn't been anything I've said or done or felt because I LOVE hearing about all of their pregnancy issues or funny stories, or hearing all about the exciting new things their baby is doing & all the sweet or not so sweet little growing moments!! I have LOVED that! That's probably what's keeping me sane throughout this thing because it makes me SOOO happy for them!! Plus, you better BELIEVE when it happens to us, I'm going to be annoyingly posting every little milestone on facebook & screaming it from the rooftops!!!
But, when I'm going through the hardest time in my life & feeling the most "not in control" of my life, that's when I need my girlfriends the most & for some reason they've all stopped hanging out with me or talking to me. What is it? It's nothing I've done... Maybe it's just me, but just because you're at a different place in your life than me doesn't mean I can't be there for you & listen...I'm still the same person minus the craziness these fertility drugs make me feel a couple days out of the month. But, that's not it...I had a lady move into our ward the other day & we were talking with her & she was all talking & laughing & it was great getting to know her a little & then she asked if we had kids & we told her not yet & she just said "Oh...." and just walks the other way. Serious?! haha.
Is there a "Mommies Only" club that I'm not aware of out there??
8 comments:
We have lived in OKC for since February of last year and the only people I've even kind of gotten to know are the moms with kids close to same age as mine. It is really hard to get to know people when you're married and even harder when you have kids. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. If we lived in the same place, I'd invite you over, kidless and all! By the way, I hope it happens for you soon because I know you will be an amazing mother. Everything in the Lord's time, which is SO HARD sometimes. Will be keeping you in my prayers.
Oh Lindsey, it's not you at all, I promise. Being a mom is so stressful and we tend to get caught up in juggling kids, husbands, work, and life that we geta little self absorbed and don't even realize how we are ignoring our friends most of the time. I apologize on behalf of all of us scatterbrained mommies!
Imagine if you were still single. It's even worse. Just remember things change, stuff happens, people move, babies are born, and life goes on with or without you. It's hard to remember other people when there is a lot going on in one's life. I have found that I have to be the one to make contact if I want to talk to my friends who are married and/or have kids now. It's hard and annoying, but you have initiate it most of the time if you want it to happen.
Since we had our kid a few weeks ago we've had to really make an effort to keep inviting our kidless friends over. I think it can go both ways. Most of our friends here in Utah don't have kids yet, and I think they assume we are too busy with our kid to hang out, so they don't call us and when we initiate something, they can seem surprised that we want to do something besides stare at our baby...haha. Yes we are super busy with the kid, but we need social interaction with our friends to stay sane! If your newly minted parent friends are anything like us, having their non-kid friends call them up and ask if they can bring over a dessert and a game to play should mean the world! We're excited to live closer to you guys soon!
So sorry you and Adam are having to go through this. I'm amazed and admiring of your attitude though. When we were waiting for so long, I was angry, jealous, sad, just truly pitiful. Not all the time, but enough of the time that even 19 years later, I still remember it being a dark period in my life. I think the hardest thing to deal with was the women who complained about their children and about being pregnant. I just wanted to scream at them for being ingrates!! Now, of course, I get it, but it surely didn't make waiting any easier. Here's a tiny little poem written by Carol-Lynn Pearson that helped me while I waited, and waited, and waited ...
Little Spirit to Childless Couple
Just helping you Mom and Dad
To develop
A trait you will need to survive
Patience
I guarantee you will need it
Once I arrive
And then last thing, I agree with so many of your friends who have already replied. Keep reaching out to them. As much as you need them, they might think you wouldn't want to hang out with the old married with children crowd. They may even view your life with a bit of longing for the freedoms you're still enjoying. And there may be a little discomfort that they don't want to be "in your face" with their fertility so to speak. It will help for them to know that you're going to be cool. Cuz ya know, you are cool! xoxo
You posted!! Way to go! LAst night we had a couple over that we are friends with adn we stayed talking until 11:00. Chloe was already in bed and we were laughing and goofing off. And you know that's late for us, but we would totally do that with you and Adam if we lived closer. There's nothing wrong with being long distance friends, though. Sometimes I just wait for you to call me since you have more going on than I do. So just call me when you need a friend. We have so much fun when we talk on the phone. :)
Post a Comment