So, as I look at this cupcake, hmmm....this cupcake isn't a baby....what am I hoping it's gonna do for me? Dude! I don't even LIKE cake?!?! What is going on?!?! Well, that would be the fact that because I had a bad day...finding out that after my first round of clomid (a fertility drug) and lots of lovin', I did not in fact ovulate this past cycle. Well, I'm SICK of it! I'm sick of being fat! I'm sick of worrying about a baby & I'm sick of not feeling like I belong in my body! I'm tired of swollen feet from crazy hormones & I'm tired of hormones affecting my weight like it has. I'm done blaming things & I'm just ready to kick butt! So, instead of using this blog to share nice things happening to me (there's not much else going on besides work & school & pure exhaustion) I'm going to use it to tell my story of what's going on with me & vent to myself a little bit (for all posterity to read later.....great). It's time for a little therapy for myself! I have stared at my LAST cupcake full of guilt & disapointment, self blaming & iced with a little self loathing for not being able get pregnant this last 2 & 1/2 years & I am going to get skinny! Haha. So...on to my diet....Woot woot!
6 comments:
I don't understand the baby part but I do understand the not feeling comfortable in my own body part. I feel like a completely different person and I don't like what I see when I look in the mirro. Good luck, I'll be rooting you on and trying to lose at the same time.
I am proud of you little sis! You can do anything you put your mind to! Love ya!
GIRL we need to talk! I feel ya! I am sick of not being pregnant, but I can't imagine 2 1/2 years!! You are such a good woman. You can totally do it. As a side note, do you read Nat the Fat Rat? She has written a lot about her struggles with infertility. I read this post and bawled like a baby: http://www.natthefatrat.com/2010/04/so-you-say-youre-reading-old-testament.html
It doesn't seem like it, but I've had my share of fertility issues-- 3 pregnancies and 5 years of earning Alayna-- and all the other sop stories. Seems cruel that those of us who care and are good people stay secondary in fertility to losers and teens who shouldn't be thinking of it, but there is much to learn about yourself and biology in general in the meantime. I feel ya--- start being aggressive with your approaches to life. You'll wonder how the heck you could ever have been ok being otherwise.
Love ya, Lindsay! You've been on my mind a lot lately. I wish you lots of love and peace in your journey!
I love this!
Post a Comment